posted to landscapeofconsciousness

The below is a comment I posted on a blog called lanscapeofconsciousness in response to a post on masculinity and same-sex marriage.


It seems to me that any flaw marriage may have, other than a traditional notion attached to it that it be between a man and a woman, is really beside the point in the debate over marriage equality. That particular traditional notion is what is being addressed here.

Marriage exists, and with significant social, economical, and political clout. Therefore, it needs to be equally accessible to all who are of age. It is a government recognized, legal institution and therefore discrimination in its deployment is absolutely unacceptable.

Fighting for the equality of all is important, even if one does not wish to partake of marriage themselves. Discrimination anywhere just opens the door for more discrimination.

Personally, I think marriage is in need of a serious conceptual and practical overhaul, but none of that will come any time soon, and meanwhile, people are being systematically degraded by their exclusion from marriage. The resources are going to fight inequality, and this is a major battle. The effects spread far beyond marriage itself. It is worth it.

As for masculinity and marriage, the nature of the desire may be similar for some, but surely not for all. It is dependent upon how each individual understands masculinity (or femininity) and marriage. Not everyone approaches gender from the standpoint of "desiring to be" or "participate." Plenty of people are coming from "this is who I AM." That is a weak point of your argument (as it is here), I think.

If you simply ARE masculine and you desire to participate in marriage, that is different from "desiring to be masculine" and wanting to participate in marriage. The possibilities for agency are different. Desire does not figure in the first case as it does in the second.

Either way, people ought to be able to be what gender (or lack thereof) they are or want to be. It should not be up to popular opinion. Everyone should also have equality in marriage, as equality before the law is essential in our system. It's also just plain human decency, if you ask me, but that won't hold in court.

As I was taught in Feminist Theory, liberalism is still your best bet. Take the legal route and keep working to raise consciousness in the meantime. Laws don't change people's minds overnight, but they certainly can be helpful!

One last thing I would like to mention. The idea of "same-sex" marriage is itself problematic, for it rests on concepts of sex that don't quite fit everyone. It draws boundaries that could easily exclude trans people or intersex people, conceptually, and/or practically. I prefer speaking of marriage equality for all, or some phrasing along those lines. Of course, it's not likely to catch on, especially with those who still think trans people are all automatically gay. That would be a long conversation, wouldn't it?

Anyhow, I think we likely agree on much here, I just thought perhaps I could contribute something to help further clarify the issues at hand. Hope you find something of use in my comment. :)